geenijuichi

geenijuichi @ 2009-02-01T23:34:00

2009-02-01T15:35:33Z

How positively wretched it is to discover that the person you like, the very same person who has been leading you for about two months now, only thinks of you as a friend. Marvelous misery is what I call it. Absolutely charming.

geenijuichi @ 2009-01-29T22:43:00

2009-01-29T15:00:22Z

So here I am wondering. After several days of fantastic rps fanfiction and not one dent into my pile of holiday homework, I'm starting to think that a photo of my girlfriend sleeping in class isn't the best choice for mobile phone wallpaper. After a long period of nothing, my family situation hit an all new low and I'm now looking at the possibility that I might be moving out with my mom. Guiltily, I kind of look forward to an experience like that. I hate feeling pampered and lazy >X3

It's tempting to just list everything down. Not only have I neglected prayer and my connection with God for these past few days, I'm egging my mom to get a divorce. Despite knowing that my holidays are going to start soon, I haven't started on my homework and am instead typing idly at my stories while silently worshipping lady_razzle's writing. Pour all that in a cauldron of steaming water and let it simmer for a while.

Often, I'm tempted to flip out my phone and show my mom the photo on my wallpaper. I'd say, "Mom, this is my boyfriend."

She'd frown but give a silent sigh of relief because the person in the photo is obviously Chinese, albeit a little wild-looking. Another sigh of relief because I said *boy*friend. Then she'd say, "He looks like a girl."

Taking a deep breath, I'd tell her, "She *is* a girl." From that point on, I'm not sure how she would react. But because there is too much happening and she really doesn't need this from me right now, I won't tell her. I won't tell anyone in my family that for almost two months now, I have been moping after, been infatuated with and was flirting with a girl whose values and morals are a completely one-eighty from mine. In fact, she is so different, it could give you whiplash just thinking about it.

But fact remains that we were attracted to one another. I use the word 'were' because I'm not sure how it is between us now. Before she leaves for her hometown for CNY, she jokingly says that she's my boyfriend. So are we in a relationship? Is it mutually exclusive? I don't know. I'm not sure if I should bring myself to care. Because the last time I did, I ended up emo-ing for weeks and I hated that feeling.

The hormonal teenage side of me wants to kiss her neck and embrace her from behind (if she lets me). The egotistical side of me smiles as she thinks about how she can 'brag' to her niece and nephews (when they're all grown up) that her first relationship was with a fellow girl and watch with relish as their eyes bugs and their little feet bring them to their parents, demanding if their crazy aunt was being serious. But the sensible part of me, the part that knows I should be putting God first, tells me that this is nothing but a game. It was the same game I played in high school, albeit this time, the feelings were more tangible and my 'girlfriend' is manlier-looking (and attractive, I might add), but nothing more can really come out of this relationship.

If I had any say in it, we'd be flirt buddies. I'd love to have someone I could playfully flirt around harmlessly with; someone I could embrace, tease, peck on the face and grope from the behind and if that someone is as attractive as her, then lucky me. In all honesty, I'm already dong that with my best friend (sans the groping). If I could have a casual relationship like that with my so-called girlfriend now, that would be wonderful.

Eventually, I'll get over her (I hope). I'm certain that I'll find someone whom I'll be more attracted to. I'm equally certain that he isn't in this country.

I have God

2008-11-03T12:29:31Z

There's nothing more depressing than the feeling of alienation. Ah, well, at least I know that no matter what happens to me, I'll always have God =3

Take a deep breath

2008-10-25T15:59:35Z

It's the Saturday night before the start of Exploration Week. We have no class on Monday, thanks to Deepavali, otherwise I'm sure one of our sadistic lecturer's would've used up Monday too. Sigh, there goes Exploration Week. It even feels ill-fitting to call it that anymore.

In any case, thanks to the space opened up on Monday, I've allowed myself to return to my bedroom tonight. I call it 'giving me some space to breathe' before my assignments completely choke me.

There was a rumour going on that once we get into our majors, the workload would be less. They better not be lying.

Hard to Believe but...

2008-10-14T20:34:13Z

*breath in*

How should I put this? I. Was. Right?

What I thought was a mere figment of overthinking/imagination on my part turned out to be true. My friend (of the same gender) really likes me!

I don't think I've ever felt this complicated in my life ever. I've survived many years through middle and high school intact but the moment I step into college, I'm a mess. What does all this mean?

Within a mere one and a quarter semesters into college (that's less than half a year!) I've been confessed to twice, I've confessed once, been the victim of unrequited love twice, been the recipient of unrequited love once, turned down confessions twice and both times, it were for different reasons.

When I first entered college, I was determined to enjoy myself and make new friends. That wasn't exactly an invitation to jumble up my emotions but inevitably, it happened anyway. I'd like to blame someone but it the end, it all came back to me.

All I can do now is pour all my faith in God's plan for me and pray that he'll guide me safely through all obstacles.

I am Stupid

2008-10-11T12:56:35Z

I'm going to knock myself in the head in future for thinking this but at the moment, I suspect that my friend (of the same gender) likes me. What should I do to stop thinking stupid thoughts like this?!

ARGH, gee, why are you such a stupid individual?!

Those who I wanted

2008-10-11T10:39:48Z

For the first time in a long time, I felt like taking a knife to my skin today. Always I have refrained because my Father hates it when we hurt our own body and today was no different. It just felt strange that I've descended into emo-ness again after all this while. And it took falling in love to get me here.

Still, I'm very grateful for my seme, who immediately tried to cheer me up when I told her that I felt particularly sad today. Also, I will be able to try and forget everything in all the work I have received. In time, I will forget that during this period of my life, I was unwanted by those who I wanted.

what light?

2008-10-10T23:55:42Z

Sigh, this week is definitely not my week. Not only have my sketches have been denied twice (Letterforms class and Design 2 Workshop class), I'm in an emotional slump and I can't find my way out of it.

The only proverbial light at the end of the tunnel seems to be the upcoming Comic Fiesta, which is months away. Hopefully, I will be able to get my Mukuro costume put together by then.

On a happier note, I love my new bible. It's red, large and doesn't have any of that bonded leather I hated from my previous bible. Now, I need to get a white one for my brother and stock up on some more instant coffee.

Fic: Rehearsal

2007-01-23T17:00:01Z

Title: Rehearsal
Pairing: Don/Charlie
Rating: NC-17 or R
Summary: Sometimes, their fights were too rehearsed.
Warnings: incest (does this count as warning?)
A/N: First time doing a Don/Charlie nc-17 so it might seem a bit quirky *scratches back of neck nervously*

This felt so rehearsed.

“Give me back those files, Don.”

Charlie tries wrestling them from Don but Don wins as usual. Don has always been stronger. But Charlie doesn’t give up. He tries staring Don down, puts on his most serious, most threatening face. But Don ignores him. He’s walking out of the garage.

No. Charlie wants those files back. He grabs Don’s sleeve.

“You’re not on the case anymore, Charlie,” says Don. Charlie has heard that line before.

“If you’re still on the case then I’m still on it too,” says Charlie and Don’s probably heard that one before too.

Don scowls and starts arguing in a loud voice. Charlie retorts in an equally loud voice. If their father is home, he’ll probably come running to the garage wondering what was going on. But Alan is out golfing. And Don and Charlie have to fight it out alone.

Charlie understands that Don is trying to protect him by taking him off the case whenever things got too serious or too personal, like that Russian mob case. Charlie understands. But he cannot just sit down in a bubble of safety while others’ lives were in danger, namely Don’s life. Charlie doesn’t think it is fair that Don is allowed to risk his life on a daily basis.

That is why Charlie fights so hard every time. Don is yelling at Charlie now, angry that Charlie has to be so stubborn. Charlie screams right back, his stomach muscles starting to hurt.

This was way too rehearsed.

-----

Don pushes Charlie against the nearest wall and bites the junction between his neck and shoulder. Charlie tries to suppress the wave of pleasure that runs down his spine. He clenches his fists at his side as Don moves from his neck to his ear.

He sees Don put a thumb into his mouth then take it out. The hand with the wet thumb is going under his shirt and oh…! Charlie groans when he feels Don’s thumb, chilled by the moisture of his saliva, tortures his right nipple. Scratching a bit then playing with his pebbled nub.

His shirt is gone in the next moment, thrown somewhere on the floor close to their feet. Don catches his nipple between his teeth and Charlie groans. He cannot stand it when Don plays with his nipples and Don knows full well about it.

Don is looking at him now heatedly even as he toys with his nub. “Give up the case,” he says against Charlie’s chest. Charlie squirms and says No. Don continues with his left nipple, pinching the right one with his fingers.

Charlie cries out softly but cuts the cry short. He cannot show weakness. His legs feel cold suddenly as Don rips his pants buckle loose and Charlie’s pants drops around his feet. No fair, thinks Charlie as Don swoops down to collect Charlie’s cock in his mouth.

The pleasure that sweeps through him is almost overwhelming, racking his entire body. Charlie bites his lip until he can taste the tang of blood on his tongue. Don does not move. He just kneels before Charlie with Charlie’s growing manhood in his mouth. Move, wills Charlie silently. For fuck’s sake, move! Charlie will do almost anything to get Don to move. Charlie bucks his hips but Don pins them down with his hands and Charlie cries out wantonly, almost beautifully.

He meets Don’s gaze. Don’s eyes were telling him to drop the case; give up. Charlie tries smirking then says softly, “No.”

Don wants revenge. He starts sucking Charlie’s cock as hard as he could, running his tongue all over Charlie’s manhood, pressing longer against the underside. Above him, Charlie thrashes. He squeezes his eyes shut in the onslaught of pleasure. His mouth is open in a silent scream and his hands scrabble for something to hold on to.

His hips are still held down by Don and Charlie finds himself crying. He is breathing too deeply and he is going to cum only five minutes into Don’s torture. Surely he is made out of tougher stuff than that.

Then Don pulls away and Charlie stares at him with disbelief. It is unfair that Don can torture him so.

This, too, felt rehearsed.

-------

Pressure, unbelievable pressure. Charlie gasps, throwing his head back against the wall. Don pulls back a little then plunges in deeper. Charlie keens, encircling his arms around Don’s neck and pulling Don closer to him.

Then Don doesn’t move. He’s trying to pull a promise out of Charlie, promise me that you’ll stay out of the case, Charlie. But it was a promise Charlie cannot and does not want to give. Instead, he wraps his legs tighter around Don and fucks himself a bit on Don’s cock. He whispers into Don’s ear, “Fuck me, Don.” And Don crumbles.

But that doesn’t mean he has given up. He slams into Charlie and grunts. “Give up the case, Charlie.” Charlie shakes his head and Don slams harder into him. Charlie moans loudly, sending more blood to Don’s cock. Don finds Charlie’s pleasure spot and pounds against it. Charlie wails.

“Don! Oooohhh fuck, Don! Ah…AH!”

“Drop the case, Charlie!”

“Ah! No…oh fuck…n-no way!”

“DROP THE CASE!”

“DON!

Charlie howls as he releases. At the same moment, he feels Don’s semen coating him from inside. That’s a strange feeling, thinks Charlie. That’s right. This is the first time we didn’t use a condom.

They have both found their release, both have vented their frustration, but they do not move. They remain still, Charlie pressed up against the wall and Don holding him there with part of him still embedded within Charlie. Charlie presses his forehead against Don’s, panting from their activity. Don lets himself lean into Charlie’s forehead. He closes his eyes.

“Why can I never win against you, Charlie? Why can’t you let me win just one?” he asks.

Charlie feels his heart break at the question. He brings his hand up and cups Don’s cheek. He loves this man. He loves this man so much. He embraces Don, head lovingly over Don’s shoulder and whispers brokenly, “I’m sorry.”

Don remains quiet, as though he understands. He slips out of Charlie and stares at him, like he is trying to understand Charlie by looking at him. Then he kisses Charlie which makes Charlie jump slightly in surprise. This has never happened before.

They always fight over this issue, they’d sometimes make out and fuck each other but Don has never kissed him during their ‘fights’ before. This…this wasn’t rehearsed.

It’s not a lustful, ravishing kiss. It’s just a press of lips against lips. Don nips Charlie’s lower lip before withdrawing.

Charlie doesn’t think it is possible to love his brother more. Don pulls his pants up and bends down to pick up the files which he had thrown onto the floor during their intercourse. He pats the manila portfolio lightly to rid the dirt and holds it out to Charlie.

This, too, has never happened before. Charlie gapes at Don disbelievingly and takes the portfolio hesitatingly. “Don,” he starts.

“Don’t start,” says Don.

Charlie brings Don’s hand close to his face, kisses the inside of his hand and nestles his cheek against it. “Thank you.”

Don uses both his hands to bring Charlie’s face close and kisses him.

Rehearsal was over.

What do you want to be in the New Year?

2006-12-31T05:05:25Z

As new year approaches, gee's imaginary friend twirls a strande of imaginary black hair and asks gee. "Yo, gee, what are you planning to be in the new year? Chirpy? Angsty? Hyper? Sober? Messy? Distracted?"

"That was totally random," says gee. "What brought that up?"

"Because I've decided. In the new year, I'm going to be..."

"Be...?"

"Annoying!" exclaims gee's imaginary friend happily.

Gee raises an unamused eyebrow and returns to reading Numb3rs fanfiction. "That's what you were this year, idiot."